consumer reports
feelings... seriously
just check them out.as fickle as they are fleeting...
they come and go on their own volition...
leaving us to figure out what to do with their
footprints.
how to increase...
or decrease...
their carbon footprint,
or any other marks they leave on our BEing.
as if...
i have no idea where this train of thought leads, or if it has a point. i just need to write at this moment... when my mind is trying to wrap itself around painful feelings that my spirit can't help but smile at. history dictates that these emotional stumbling blocks will become spiritual stepping stones towards a greater understanding of my BEing [sometimes referred to as... olusanya] and love for the personifications of the Divine Mother, maybe even some fly-ass poetry.
feelings are easy, but love... love is all-consuming, and anyone who thinks different... just aint tasted the madness yet. they haven't set foot on the sun and been consumed by it's flames... enveloped by it's fiery bosom. there is no "you" in that experience, all there is... is the sun. have u ever asked the moth why it flies toward the light... fully knowing that oneness with it... is the end of itself? yet it still makes the choice! despite the fact that love represents a descent into madness to our egos... we CHOOSE.
love is that annihilation and... human beings... we curse ourselves by our ability to reason, and nothing excites us more than the reasons we give ourselves to hold onto... separateness. don't get it twisted! two can't experience Oneness... unless they both let go of the idea that they were ever anything other than... One, in the.. FIRST place. see... if that I... does not know it is... U, then there is a case of mis-taken identity. the light terrifies us. we're scared to stare at the sun because of what we might see, not for fear of going blind. god forbid i... lose myself in u! Hmmmm... come to think of it... i'd love to get lost within your BEing so i can discover the many dimensions of U. excuse me... i digress...
i was thinking about my lifetime as a cloud. it only lasted a few weeks and then i was born again as a raindrop. that lifetime was even shorter but... i began to get the hang of this thing called life/love [yeah... same thing]. i stopped identifying with the different experiences... their shapes, forms, or even how they function... and allowed myself to enjoy the... life... simply BEing! naturally... i sunk into the feeling of being drunk by the leaf of a tree. the tear of a cloud reborn as the blood of a tree, then transformed into that same trees fruit, so that a beautiful woman could reach up within its branches and i... became a "chosen one" ! BEing... consumed by SHE. ha ha ha... cause we all just... inter-BE.
so i focused that same vision on my relationships, the different shapes and forms of the Divine SHE when... she comes to engage me in love's dance. smiling because... i used to think i lost her during our separations, but... how can you lose yourself? let go of... U? realizing that the reason i have always been so comfortable when i am alone is... because she is within me all of the time. always has been, always will be. that's not just a philosophical or theoretical thing. i feel her... and its as tangible as me reaching up and touching my own face... i feel her!
anyway... enough of this wandering mind... seeking to warp itself around feelings and thoughts that my ego wants to attach itself to, so it can feel important [even if they hurt]. my spirit smiles at my ego's pain and confusion. my love for her consumed me before i was born... my continuation... the same old story. i was born to love her, her loving me in return... is never an issue. as soon as my ego gets over it... self? my spirit will dance towards her light, seeking an end to this experience of.... he and her.
frOM mY aSHEs... a pOeT? by Olusanya Bey is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivs 3.0 Unported License.
Comments